Energy boundaries are protective and essential for energy wellness but do you even have them? Until you recognize your own energy, you’re unable to properly detect what is and isn’t yours on a consistent or accurate basis. This means you could experience the crappy morning someone else experienced without the experience itself. How fucked is that, right? Actually, it’s vibing! A gift that allows us to deeply connect with another person and their energy. But without energy boundaries, you’re a host for any emotionally charged fragments and ready to be imposed on.
When you have healthy energy boundaries, you can walk away from a conversation without feeling drained, are empowered to say “no thank you” with ease, and are equipped with tools to process stuff like guilt, doubt, difficult people, insecurities, and life events in a healthy way. You’re able to show up fully, express yourself freely, and take inspired actions conducive to your quality of life regardless of external circumstance. Such a disposition is called being in a state of alignment and requires personal awareness of ones’ energetic wellness which we can start by learning how to physically feel energy boundaries through the hints our body gives us.
Physically detecting energy boundaries requires awareness that segues into shadow work. Shadow work is a term used to describe the act of self-reflection with a concerted effort to acknowledge, analyze, and if possible, determine the origin of our unhealthy characteristics, traits, patterns, etc., for the sole purpose of positive growth and development. Shadow work strips us down to our triggers and teaches us about our boundaries.
Below are steps for kick-starting shadow work but please remember to show yourself compassion as examining our unhealthy qualities can bring up a lot of mixed feelings.
We live in our bodies but overlook our own feelings all day long, paying little mind to the physical sensations and inner self-talk that takes place. Slow down, take a deep breath, and with no agenda sit still with yourself for at least a couple of minutes several times each day.
If you find sitting still with yourself to be challenging, Watermelon Tourmaline, known as the “Super Activator” of crystals for its ability to wash away resistance to growth, is helpful to hold during check-ins. Alternatively, Agate can also assist with grounding one in the present moment.
How do you feel? Notice what is happening in your body as it happens. Start observing the physical and emotional sensations surfacing throughout the day and keep note of what took place when those feelings were experienced and the ensuing thoughts. Logging your insights and check-ins in a journal can be very helpful later when we work to identify boundaries.
Do your shoulders stiffen up each time a specific co-worker approaches you to talk? Note it because that’s indicative of a weak or nonexistent energy boundary. If you have issues detecting your own physical sensations as they happen, Black Tourmaline, Black Obsidian, or Smoky Quartz can all assist with dispelling negative energy that clouds your ability to stay present.
After consistently observing your different reactions to life happenings, patterns will appear evident. What are they? For example, early on in my shadow work I noticed that I was always the first to apologize. It didn’t matter whether or not I was actually at fault or whether it was concerning a major or minor issue, it didn’t even matter if it related to my personal or professional life. I’d find a way to assume, acknowledge, and take on the blame. And even though I operated from that space my entire life, I never considered it a negative tactic and even convinced myself I was being a “bigger person” and that it was “easier” for me not to sweat the “small stuff.”
But that was just a story I told myself, it wasn’t actually true. Because each time I’d assume ownership and default-apologize when I wasn’t actually at fault, my shoulders stiffened, my jaw clenched tight, and I felt a pit in my stomach. All indicators from my energy body that something was amiss, what I was doing was not okay, and tipped me off to a pattern that wasn’t serving me.
Identifying patterns is crucial for advancing through the process of shadow work as it helps us determine whether our patterns are healthy, need adjusting, or are completely violating the boundaries we’re sensing but may not know what the boundaries actually are.
If you’re struggling with identifying patterns, Fluorite, Selenite, and Smoky Quartz all support with removing mental fog preventing you from seeing objectively.
In our next segment, we’ll go deeper to break down the steps that support us in giving our boundaries names, determining their root causes, and identifying practices that will empower us into taking action that brings us closer to achieving a state of alignment.